Date: Tue, 22 Nov 1994 01:30:56 -0600
From: farber@central.cis.upenn.edu (David Farber) (by way of
Subject: If Operating Systems Were Airlines Humor :-)

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<nrsing-l@nic.umass.edu>--------------------------------------------------------
-----------------------

Couldn't resist this little bit of list-abuse
because it captures so much of what we know
and so much of what lurks between the lines
of many postings over the last few months:

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS WERE AIRLINES.......

If operating systems were airlines.....

> DOS Air: All the passengers go out onto the runway, grab hold of
> the plane, push it until it gets in the air, hop on, jump off
> when it hits the ground again. Then they grab the plane again,
> push it back into the air, hop on, et cetera.
>
> Mac Airways: The cashiers, flight attendants and pilots all look
> the same, feel the same and act the same. When asked questions
> about the flight, they reply that you don't want to know, don't
> need to know and would you please return to your seat and watch the
> movie.
>
> Windows Airlines: The terminal is very neat and clean, the
> attendants all very attractive, the pilots very capable. The
> fleet of Learjets the carrier operates is immense. Your jet
> takes off without a hitch, pushing above the clouds, and at
> 20,000 feet it explodes without warning.
>
> OS/2 Skyways: The terminal is almost empty, with only a few
> prospective passengers milling about. The announcer says that their
> flight has just departed, wishes them a good flight, though there
> are no planes on the runway. Airline personnel walk around,
> apologizing profusely to customers in hushed voices, pointing from
> time to time to the sleek, powerful jets outside the terminal on the
> field. They tell each passenger how good the real flight will be
> on these new jets and how much safer it will be than Windows
> Airlines, but that they will have to wait a little longer for
> the technicians to finish the flight systems. Maybe until
> mid-1995. Maybe longer.
>
> Fly Windows NT: All the passengers carry their seats out onto the
> tarmac, placing the chairs in the outline of a plane. They all sit
> down, flap their arms and make jet swooshing sounds as if they are
> flying.
>
> Unix Express: all passenger bring a piece of the airplane and a
> box of tools with them to the airport. They gather on the tarmac,
> arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build
> and how to put it together. Eventually, the passengers split into
> groups and build several different aircraft, but give them all
> the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations.
> All passengers believe they got there.
>
> Wings of OS/400: The airline has bought ancient DC-3s, arguably
> the best and safest planes that ever flew, and painted "747" on
> their tails to make them look as if they are fast. The flight
> attendants, of course, attend to your every need, though the
> drinks cost $15 a pop. Stupid questions cost $230 per hour, unless
> you have SupportLine, which requires a first class ticket and
> membership in the frequent flyer club. Then they cost $500, but
> your accounting department can call it overhead.
>
> MVS Air Lines: The passengers all gather in the hangar, watching
> hundreds of technicians check the flight systems on this immense,
> luxury aircraft. This plane has at least 10 engines and seats over
> 1,000 passengers; bigger models in the fleet can have more
> engines than anyone can count and fly even more passengers than
> there are on Earth. It is claimed to cost less per passenger
> mile to operate these humungous planes than any other aircraft
> ever built, unless you personally have to pay for the ticket.
> All the passengers scramble aboard, as do the 200 technicians
> needed to keep it from crashing. The pilot takes his place up in
> the glass cockpit. He guns the engines, only to realize that the
> plane is too big to get through the hangar doors. -